How do you make Transformers but fucked up?

If I had to see THIS fucking thing, so do you:

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

OK, now that I’ve calmed down… someone posted this on Threads (it’s where I’m finding a lot of stuff lately), and my brain is now hurting with the knowledge that Turbo Teen was a thing, however briefly, in 1984:

Turbo Teen is about a teenager named Brett Matthews who swerves off a road during a thunderstorm and crashes into a secret government laboratory. There, he and his red sports car are accidentally exposed to a molecular beam, invented by a scientist named Dr. Chase for a government agent named Cauldwell. As a result, Brett and his car become fused together. Brett gains the ability to morph into the car when exposed to extreme heat and revert into his human form when exposed to extreme cold. With this new superhero power, Brett, along with his girlfriend Pattie (a freelance reporter), his best friend Alex (a mechanic who calls Brett “TT”), and his dog Rusty go on crime-fighting adventures together and solve other mysteries.

This was produced by a mob called Ruby-Spears Productions, who I can only assume were huffing the South American stimulants at an even greater rate than the Hollywood film studios of the era. Also, the show’s Wiki entry includes this astonishing sentence about it from a reference work on animated TV:

This is perhaps the most absurd concept developed for television animation in the genre’s history. Despite a basis in somewhat-plausible science, it was not produced competently enough to make its premise anywhere near believable.

In WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE is the premise of THIS FUCKING SHOW plausible in ANY way, let alone “somewhat” plausible? Jesus fuck.

Look, to the best of my knowledge, I not only never saw this as a kid, I never even heard of it before tonight, and, frankly, I am now ACTIVELY REFUSING to believe it exists. There is no gif at the top of this post. I’m hallucinating it and so are you. Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about. I’m a teapot.

Never read about your heroes

OK, that’s overstating the case, since Tim Boucher wasn’t a “hero” as such, but I am nonetheless disappointed, to put it mildly, to discover what he’s been up to lately. I used to actually be quite a fan of Tim’s work a long time (20+ years) ago, back in the day when he was running the Occult Investigator and later Pop Occulture blog (can’t link cos they’re long gone), it was a goldmine for that sort of information on religious and cultish crankery. He put me onto the gnostic revival movement, which was certainly an idea I was and still kind of am sympathetic to.

And then it just… kind of vanished, and I spent years wondering where he’d gone. Every now and then I’d search for him online to no avail. Hoped he was happy and well, whatever he was or wasn’t doing. And then suddenly one day he reappeared! A few years ago I found his website (as linked above) and, having confirmed it was indeed him, I was quite delighted. Nice to know he was still out there doing stuff. (Also I discovered he’s Canadian and it’s boo-SHAY rather than BOW-tcher like I always thought…)

Then, a day or two ago, I found out what he’s been doing more recently…

Unfortunately the article is paywalled so I can’t link to it (or even read it myself), but… yeah. This is Tim Boucher writing about how he’s used generative AI to produce FUCKING DOZENS of “books” (they’re more like short stories buffered with a bunch also AI-generated images). And he’s been at it for a while now too: here’s Tim in Newsweek in May 2023:

My journey into a new realm of high-tech creativity and storytelling began in August 2022. Armed only with my imagination and a handful of artificial intelligence (AI) tools, I ventured into the world of AI-assisted publishing without any map or guide.
My goal was straightforward: To craft a series of unique, captivating ebooks merging dystopian pulp sci-fi with compelling AI world-building. Today, I am on the cusp of releasing my 97th book, and was recently featured on CNN—all within nine months.
The “AI Lore books,” as I’ve come to call them, are a testament to the potential of AI in augmenting human creativity. Each book features between 2,000 to 5,000 words and 40 to140 AI-generated images. Generally, each one takes me approximately 6 to 8 hours to create and publish. In some instances, I’ve been able to produce a volume in as little as three hours, everything included.
This unprecedented rate of production is possible due to AI tools like Midjourney (version 5.1) for image generation, and ChatGPT (version 4), and Anthropic’s Claude for brainstorming and text generation.
I sold 574 books for a total of nearly $2,000 between August and May. The books all cross-reference each other, creating a web of interconnected narratives that constantly draw readers in and encourage them to explore further.

Somewhere deep down I think that, for all his bluster about AI leading him to new storytelling opportunities and shit like that, Tim knows there’s something not exactly right about all of this. I sense a degree of defensiveness in statements like this on his site:

Using AI doesn’t make me an artist; being an artist is what makes me use AI.
Yes, I really think AI art is “real art” and no, I don’t think it is “stealing.”
Here’s a Matisse master copy I painted in acrylic, if you don’t think I’m a “real artist.”
Here’s an older artist’s statement (2023 – I need to write a new one) which outlines what my AI artwork is all about and why, and some thoughts on ‘reality-fluid’ art. (This podcast I made with an AI interviewer is also a good overview of how I think about my art.)
Most people haven’t dug deep enough to understand that my work actually comes from a place of profound unease about technology and its place in our lives (I use AI to critique AI). My personal & professional work has all been about attempting to find that right relationship, and often failing… But there is value in the grand experiment.

I don’t really know what I make of this. Obviously art has always made use of new and advancing technology and so forth, so Tim’s enthusiasm for AI as a creative is hardly anything new… the question is, to what extent is there actual creativity involved when the art is, frankly, more or less completely made from someone’s work?

I mean, we can go back to Dada a hundred plus years ago when Tristan Tzara came up with his idea for creating Dadaist poetry; however random the ultimate arrangement of the words, you, the “poet”, have still chosen the article from which you made the poem. Cf. also Kurt Schwitters’ collages. If none of the elements of his collages were made by Schwitters, the end result was by him. There are deliberate decisions involved. As for Tim’s Matisse-copying, he admits to using a projector to trace the thing, but it was still his hand doing that work. It was still his effort. That copy of Matisse was ultimately by him.

I feel somehow, though, this isn’t the case with his books. How much of them are, indeed, by him in this sense? What’s he actually doing? Can he legitmately call himself the “author” of these things? Certainly all the people I’ve seen responding to him on Threads have been volcanically negative, and, to be honest, I’m down with that myself. Cos fuck generative AI. I mean, I’ve used it myself and even posted an example of it here, but I’m certainly not making any claims for myself as an artist. Tim is, on the other hand, and even has an “artist’s statement” on that theme. Which he admits was also partly written with ChatGPT. HIS OWN ARTIST’S STATEMENT ISN’T EVEN FULLY HIS OWN WORK, for fuck’s sake.

Tim… son, I am disappoint. I suspect I might actually be less bothered if he were doing this stuff for free, but he’s not and that’s a part of the problem… by his own admission he’s apparently not making much money, but it bothers me that he’s making any. Whatever. I feel let down by someone I respected long long ago. I thought you were better than this, Tim.

And, parenthetically, Vivian Wilson (whose dad you know, of course) agrees with me:

“Concepts of a plan”

Somehow the debate between Dampnut and Kamala Harris actually went ahead, even though his lordship was supposedly threatening not to do it just a few days ago… and depending on which side you’re on, the general consensus seems to be that Kamala won, it’s just a matter of how; did she just hopelessly outclass him, or did she conspire with ABC and the moderators assigned to the debate to gain an unfair advantage? Predictably, the latter is what I’ve seen a bunch of Trumpeters shrieking on Twitter, because OBVIOUSLY there was no other way she could possibly have outclassed the orange prick in the way she did… but she didn’t even really need to try that hard, cos Trump was perfectly capable of shitting his own bed. At one point he was asked about his healthcare plan:

During the presidential debate Tuesday night, Trump struggled to answer a question about his healthcare plan, accidentally revealing that he didn’t have one at all.
After his particularly lackluster response criticizing Obamacare but giving no alternatives, ABC moderate Linsey Davis asked Trump outright if he knew what he was talking about. “Yes or no, you still do not have a plan?” she said.
“I have concepts of a plan,” Trump replied. “I’m not president right now.”
“But if we come up with something, I would only change it if we come up with something that is better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you will be hearing about it in the not too distant future.”

Quite. I don’t know exactly how not-too-distant this future Trump referred to is, but the election is now less than two months away. I think people might want to hear more before then. This should’ve been the takeaway line from the show, of course, but then he had to descend to retelling recent news stories (that have already been debunked) about Haitian immigrants (illegals ones, too, because OBVIOUSLY) stealing and eating people’s cats and dogs. Because this sort of old-school racist bullshit is about all he has.

Anyway, the real sign that Kamala won the debate was this:

YES. TAY TAY’S FINALLY SAID IT. I don’t think anyone would be surprised as her siding with KH, of course,  but it’s kind of nice that she’s finally actually confirmed it. Especially cos it’ll piss Dampnut off.

Needless to say, SOME PEOPLE reacted to this normally:

Christopher Rufo is one of the most godawful people working in conservative American politics these days, so if even HE’s aghast at… whatever the fuck THAT was supposed to be, you should recognise you might have fucked up. But, of course, this is Oolong, not a normal person…

Needless to say Apartheid Clyde agreed with his goons that Trump was hard done by and the moderators were overly harsh on him. But the thing is, Trump is a lying cunt. And if he weren’t a lying cunt, people wouldn’t need to call him out for being a lying cunt. The onus is on him to not be a lying cunt on TV like that. Also, while I’m sure Oolong’s support for Dampnut is sincere, he’s also sucking up to him cos the old bugger’s spoken recently about getting him to head some government efficiency commission, so I presume Oolong’s being all “of course Trump won” so Trump doesn’t forget that idea. Not that it’ll happen anyway, I suspect.

It’s that day again…

Colin Wilson says this in his book On Music about Leonard Bernstein’s Kaddish Symphony:

If a world poll is ever taken to decide on the worst piece of music ever written, I imagine this symphony would stand pretty high in the results. […] It does not merely wear its heart on its sleeve; it wears its liver, bowels, and intestines there as well. […] Kennedy was accident-prone, but nothing quite as bad as this overtook him while he was alive.

OOF (but never let it be said Wilson was completely incapable of humour. Just mostly). Tonight, I find myself wondering what the equally unfortunate victims of the September 11 attacks did to deserve this:

Somehow I’d actually completely forgotten this—I can only assume it was my brain doing me a favour for a change—until it turned up in today’s Facebook memories. I was kind of pleased to discover Delfin is now in jail, albeit for corruption and influence peddling while he was the mayor of his town, not for this. Still haven’t decided what the greater crime was.

I find our lack of James Earl Jones disappointing

One of the great voices of Hollywood (I mean, with all due respect to Dave Prowse, George Lucas was right to redub him as Darth Vader with Jones’ voice), and one I who didn’t know until now was afflicted with a stutter so bad he was effectively mute for several years of his childhood, even into high school; he just refused to talk cos he knew people would just laugh at him.

Full credit to you, sir, cos you surely overcame.

Oh. Look who’s back. Great.

Saw someone say that Lostprophets were available to listen to again on Spotify. This was kind of astonishing, cos if you know that band’s history (and their Wiki page will unfortunately tell you everything if you don’t), then you know there’s a good reason why, after a certain event, HMV refused to sell their albums any more and the BBC banned them from broadcast, and, frankly, Spotify removed them too. Whether or not that was a moral decision on their part, though, is something I can’t quite work out; this seems to suggest it was actually a licensing issue rather than “ew, worst pedophile since Jim’ll Fuck It, why would we want him on our service”… whatever the case, they’re evidently OK with him now for some reason; apparently the Lostprophets stuff has been back up for a few months, this is just me finding out now.

It’s a vexing issue, cos you can argue the rest of the band shouldn’t miss out on being able to make money from their work, they’re entitled to that, but how do you let them do that without Watkins being rewarded? Cos he’s still entitled to his share even though he technically can’t earn any money while he’s in jail… and though he will be there for hopefully a good long time, what happens when he gets out? Does it all accrue in an account somewhere until he does, whereupon he gets a lump sum or something? I don’t know. I just kind of dislike the idea that they’re available again and Spotify is evidently OK with platforming this pedophile (mind you, Gary Glitter’s still on there too, so). Not exactly what the world needed now…

RIP Herbie Flowers

One of the 70s’ favourite session men has left us with… well, hundreds of recordings to his credit. And what recordings, too. He’s probably most famous, of course, for Mr Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side”…

…in which he plays both electric and acoustic double bass because, as he said later, he got paid two session fees because he played two instruments. The really cunning trick, though, was playing the electric bassline one tenth above the upright bass, thus producing that very particular bass sound. He did a similar trick with this…

…where he doubled the bass parts again (as well as his session fee!), only an octave apart this time, but the slapback echo applied here makes all the difference, and the bass really is the main instrument, almost serving like the whole rhythm section by itself (I’m not even sure if there are actual drums on here or not). Genuinely stunning production even 50 years after the fact, manages to sound completely like 1973 but also like the future still to come. But then there was this which came before either of those two…

…which I’d never actually given a proper listen to before last night, until I saw someone mention it on Threads and they said something about the detuning solo. And holy shit they were right; not only does brother Herbie kick off proceedings with a truly mean and great riff, there’s a bit where Flowers detunes his bass while playing it and just… goddamn. (Parenthetically, what a cast list on this recording, Chris Spedding and Klaus Voorman on guitar, Jimmy Webb on piano, that tragic unfortunate Jim Gordon on drums—how good is he here?) Hell of a career young Brian had.

Crucial point one day becomes a crime

Dusted this off tonight for the first time in quite a while. Those first two New Order albums really were lessons in how to make just two chords work, weren’t they? But I like this more than Movement (as imperfect as it still is); always thought that was essentially the third Joy Division album that we never got, but PC&L is where you hear New Order actually becoming themselves. I think even “Blue Monday” still had the ghost of Ian Curtis hanging over it, but the album sees them finally moving on, even though Stephen Morris admitted the drum part from “Age of Consent” was the same as “Love Will Tear Us Apart”…