No, really. I told myself I’d watch (or, more accurately, hate-watch) this thing once it became available on Amazon and someone had ripped it from there and started circulating it elsewhere so that I wouldn’t have to pay for the pleasure, and tonight (with the film having landed on Amazon just a few hours earlier and already spread elsewhere) that was just what I did… albeit I did play it at 1.2x speed to make it a little quicker, and in doing so I learned that if you speed Mushroom Cock up to 1.2x, he almost sounds like a normal person. That is the sum total of what I learned from this thing, mind you; I expected practically nothing from Melania, yet I was still genuinely taken aback by just how vacuous this obscene puff piece actually proved to be. It’s astonishing how little is really going on in this thing; Melania herself comes over as just the most vapid, closed-off charisma void possible, and the film itself a 105-minute wank. nothing but pure narcissism. No insights, no stakes, and no wonder two-thirds of the crew reportedly had their names removed from the credits. It wasn’t even good for a hate-watch. Fuck me and my morbid curiosity, eh. Still, this is the first feature film I’ve watched all year (been watching a ton of shorts), and if nothing else that means everything else I watch this year will have to be a masterpiece by comparison…
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