If I had to see THIS fucking thing, so do you:

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

OK, now that I’ve calmed down… someone posted this on Threads (it’s where I’m finding a lot of stuff lately), and my brain is now hurting with the knowledge that Turbo Teen was a thing, however briefly, in 1984:

Turbo Teen is about a teenager named Brett Matthews who swerves off a road during a thunderstorm and crashes into a secret government laboratory. There, he and his red sports car are accidentally exposed to a molecular beam, invented by a scientist named Dr. Chase for a government agent named Cauldwell. As a result, Brett and his car become fused together. Brett gains the ability to morph into the car when exposed to extreme heat and revert into his human form when exposed to extreme cold. With this new superhero power, Brett, along with his girlfriend Pattie (a freelance reporter), his best friend Alex (a mechanic who calls Brett “TT”), and his dog Rusty go on crime-fighting adventures together and solve other mysteries.

This was produced by a mob called Ruby-Spears Productions, who I can only assume were huffing the South American stimulants at an even greater rate than the Hollywood film studios of the era. Also, the show’s Wiki entry includes this astonishing sentence about it from a reference work on animated TV:

This is perhaps the most absurd concept developed for television animation in the genre’s history. Despite a basis in somewhat-plausible science, it was not produced competently enough to make its premise anywhere near believable.

In WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE is the premise of THIS FUCKING SHOW plausible in ANY way, let alone “somewhat” plausible? Jesus fuck.

Look, to the best of my knowledge, I not only never saw this as a kid, I never even heard of it before tonight, and, frankly, I am now ACTIVELY REFUSING to believe it exists. There is no gif at the top of this post. I’m hallucinating it and so are you. Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about. I’m a teapot.