Month: August 2024

My bone spurs will go on

Amazing. Not only is Celine Dion pissed that Dampnut and J. Divans are misusing her music, she’s baffled by them misusing that particular song. And, really, she’s not wrong, it’s a thoroughly wrong song for any political campaign, it’s a big romantic number about an old person looking back at a long-ago love; it’s not something you can really make a political message out of… I mean, “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac is a song about Christine McVie moving on from John McVie (who, hilariously, didn’t realise until years later the song was about him), but Bill Clinton’s campaign back in ’92 correctly recognised it had potential for messaging, which, frankly, “My Heart Will Go On” doesn’t. Oh Trump, you’re surrounded by idiots… but you don’t deserve any better.

Bollocks to that

Oh dear. There’s been quite some mirth on Twatter about this… unflattering image of Andrew Taint. I mean, goddamn, if you reduce me to my underwear I’m not exactly the biggest picture of manhood either, but I’m also not making a career out of how much of a Manly Man I am in the way Andy is, that’s his entire schtick… and, if this picture is accurate, it looks like he’s been, shall we say, compensating all along. However, some people seem to think there’s even less than meets the eye:

Good fucking grief.

Conspiracy theorists have set their sights on far-right influencer Andrew Tate, accusing him of being transgender.
In a post to Facebook on Tuesday, a user named Rob Anderson shared a close-up photo of Tate wearing what appears to be men’s swimwear before suggesting that no male genitalia were present.
In further remarks, Anderson suggested that anyone who receives any notoriety or attention, like Tate, must be part of a global conspiracy to control the public. […]
When asked by another commenter why Tate was secretly transgender, Anderson claimed that it was all part of an effort to mock God.
“short answer to blaspheme the Father we are made in his image so they reverse and pervert it bc we are made in his image,” he said.
Numerous others argued that Tate’s “V-shaped clavicles” were also proof that he was born female.
Some even went as far as to claim that Tate looked similar to Anton LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan and the religion of Satanism, and therefore must be related.

I suppose my passing resemblance to Heinrich Himmler (if I shave all my hair off and cut my beard back and you look at me from a certain angle) makes me a Nazi by that logic. Fucking transvestigators, man. Some of the most deeply mentally ill people out there right now. And, bizarrely enough, this is also the second time I’ve run up against this Rob Anderson fuckwit in the last few days, but I’ll have more to say on that front in another post. For now, though, I kind of feel like casting aspersions on the size of Tate’s todger rather than declaring he never had one in the first place is more likely to hurt him…

RIP Democracy Manifest

One of Australia’s most famous characters is gone… whatever his name was.

The man who immortalised the phrase “this is democracy manifest” while starring in what has been described as the pre-eminent Australian meme, Jack Karlson, has died aged 82.
Karlson – although there are debates as to whether this was his real name or one of many aliases – was a serial prison escaper and small-time crook who shot to fame in 2009 after a news clip of his arrest at a Chinese restaurant in Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley in 1991 was uploaded on to the internet.
“What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?” Karlson theatrically boomed as his bear-like frame resisted a string of police officers.
Chris Reason, the Channel Seven journalist who reported Karlson’s arrest 33 years ago, paid tribute to Karlson on social media site X, tweeting that “Mr Democracy Manifest has died”.
Karlson died surrounded by family at 6.31pm on Wednesday.
“He walked a full and colourful path and, despite the troubles thrown at him, he lived by his motto – to keep on laughing,” his family said in statement.
Niece Kim Edwards said Karlson spent the last few weeks of his life in hospital, where he “had a few attempts to escape and pulled his cords out a couple of times and asked us many time to sneak in his pipe”.
Edwards said her uncle was “battling many ailments but what got him in the end was [systemic inflammatory response syndrome]”.
“As a final send off, we gave uncle a last taste of red wine through his drip just before it was removed,” she said.

Alas that a succulent Chinese meal evidently wasn’t an option. This news comes not long after I read that a documentary about him was being made; it looks like the director, Heath Davis, got him just in time. Alas again that Jack, or Cecil, or John, or “The Hun” won’t get to see it.

Obviously

I am loath to post Daily Fail content, but…

Pantless driver dies after being ejected through his sunroof while masturbating to porn on a cellphone when the car crashed and rolled over

And should you not believe that was the headline:

A Detroit man was killed when he was ejected through the sunroof of his car while driving along the highway with his pants down and masturbating to porn being shown on his cellphone.
Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was killed instantly when his car rolled over in the early hours of Sunday morning.
As well as not wearing any trousers, Jones is not believed to have been wearing his seat belt which may have contributed to his partial ejection from the car.

I mean, I daresay that wouldn’t have helped him…

Elsewhere in Birdland

This is the current state of political discourse chez Oolong. Matt Convente should clearly have made a racist remark in his post, he’d have got away with it then…

In other Oolong news, he’s suing people for not advertising on his platform:

This is slightly rich coming from the man who famously told advertisers to go fuck themselves, but hey, you do you, cuntface. It’s not like you’re smart enough to do anything else.

Also, in stopped clock news…

Piers Morgan has hit out at Elon Musk over his inflamatory remarks about Britain’s ongoing race riots.
Violent disorder has spread across the country in the wake of the stabbings of three young girls in Southport, after misinformation spread that the killer was a Muslim asylum seeker.
Hundreds of people have been arrested, with thousands of police officers deployed to prepare for further actions throughout the week. At least one person has been left seriously injured as a result of racist and Islamophobic attacks, with stabbings, street beatings, and mosques under siege.
The billionaire tech owner has been accused of fanning the flames of unrest, as he shared a video of a group of Asian men gathered around a pub in Birmingham with the caption, “Why aren’t all communities protected in Britain?” to X/Twitter on Tuesday (6 August).
He tagged UK prime minister Sir Keir Starmer in the post, after the Labour leader condemned actions against groups based on their race or religion and called for mosques to be protected.
Morgan called out Musk for the comment as he chastised, “Elon, fake news was posted that the triple child-killer was a Muslim illegal immigrant who came in on a small boat and was on a terror watchlist.
“This prompted far-right rioters to attack Muslims & asylum seekers. I haven’t seen you mention/condemn any of this?”

Piers Morgan is one of the most genuinely baffling people in British media, in that he is transparently a piece of shit, but every so often the ideological scales fall from his eyes and he comes up against someone who’s just too big a cunt even for him and he puts forward a Good Take. The whole Southport situation has been so revolting I haven’t wanted to say anything about it, but Piers is being honest: the far-right shitheads that Apartheid Clyde insists on increasingly appealing too ARE the ones at fault in this awful case, all these fucking Yaxley-Lennon wannabes “taking their country back from immigrants” by looting stores that weren’t actually immigrant-owned and so forth… ugh. What a cunt Musk is, standing with these so-called people.

Walzing along

I’ve said before that I really don’t want to talk about politics too much on here, but the closer we get to that election I fear I’ll have less choice about that… anyway, we should note that Tim Walz has finally been picked as Harris’ running mate, and people are quite happy about this; from what I can see, he actually seems like a proper decent human being and popular with his constituents (which seems to be much less the case with his competitors for the VP role), plus he pretty much kicked off the whole “weird” thing which I suspect must’ve at least helped his chances. Plus, on top of cracking a couch joke at JD Vance—sorry, J. Divans—at his first public appearance, there was this:

Yikes. But Tim was taking no prisoners even before he was in contention:

WOOF (if you’ll pardon the expression). That’s from April before the current bullshit had even started. The story of Kristi Noem and her erstwhile dog (and goat) was one of the least edifying things to come out of the whole election cycle, and though I didn’t see this response at the time, it certainly strikes me now as an excellent one. Needless to say, the Dampnutters are getting not so much weird as just psychotic about him; it seems the best they can come up with is a Twitter hashtag called #TamponTim, inspired by his having passed a law mandating that tampons, pads, and that sort of thing should be freely available in Minnesota schools at no charge to whoever needs them. The nominal outrage, obviously, is that these things have to be available to all “menstruating” students, including ones that use the little boys’ room, so it’s basically the usual right-wing transphobia… and like I said, this appears to be the best they can come up with, other than this:

Oh no, not convicted felons! Good grief, if he gets away with that, Dampnut will be able to vote!

I have no doubt he’ll wind up being problematic eventually, cos I don’t think you can get that high in American politics without that happening at some point, but Walz seems like an actual Good Guy, not just someone who’s Not As Bad As Those Other Fuckers. Obviously the hardcore leftists won’t be satisfied with anything short of total revolution, cos they never are, but generally the buzz about him (except from Those Other Fuckers, obviously) is positive. Indeed, in real terms, I think we’re actually seeing a revolution of sorts; as I saw someone say online, it’s only about six weeks since the debate debacle, and it was only on the 21st of last month that Biden finally conceded in favour of Harris, and all this stuff has happened in just those few weeks, and somehow we’ve reached a point where we actually can be positive about this election working out. I just hope they don’t blow it.

Still not shaking the “weird” tag

There’s a meme about Jesus coming back to Earth and being appalled by Christians wearing crosses as a symbol of him, cos why the hell would he want to be reminded of the means of his death (even considering how little effect it had on him)? This gives me a sense of similar energy, or at least it might if Trump looked like he had any idea what he was staring at. Adin Ross is best known for being an Andrew Taint wannabe and for inadvertently announcing the latter’s plan to escape from Romania before his trial there started, whereupon he was promptly arrested again and served with a new warrant… and for being an all-round piece of shit, like so many of these chuds made famous by the Internet seem to be. I’ve seen a suggestion that this incongruous meeting of alleged minds was an idea by Barron Dampnut, which if true kind of spoils any hope we ever had that he might not grow up to be a cunt like his dad; but The Verge offers a much more interesting idea:

At one point in the interview, Ross presented Trump with Rolex watch. Shortly after gifting him the watch, Ross brought up Fani Willis, a district attorney in the state of Georgia, who has filed an indictment against Trump for alleged election interference during the 2020 presidential election.
“I have a friend who’s currently being treated very unfair by [District Attorney Willis]. He’s a rapper named Young Thug,” Ross said during the livestream, referencing Williams’ racketeering case against the rapper. “I was just wondering if there’s a way that we could make sure he gets treated fair?”
Donald Trump has a precedent for getting rappers out of sticky legal situations. At the end of his term in 2021, Trump pardoned the rapper Lil Wayne after he pled guilty to illegal gun possession. He also commuted the sentence for rapper Kodak Black, who was sentenced to 46 months after lying on federal forms in an attempt to purchase firearms.
Trump didn’t directly respond to Ross’ question, saying, “He’s gotta be treated fair.” As the details of the stream spread across social media, observers wondered if Ross was attempting to bribe Trump or whether accepting such an expensive gift constituted some kind of campaign finance violation.

Hmmm! But the most interesting part of this peculiar story for me is this other photo from the gathering:

What. The. FUCK? I mean, I’ve seen it said for years that Trump has often demonstrated a very… odd way of standing, and I’ve even seen evidence of it; there’s debates over whether his posture is a medical issue or is he just weird sometimes about how he insists on standing. This… I can only assume this is evidence for the latter case. I don’t even stand like that when I go for a piss; I know, cos I had to go and do one while writing this nonsense and checked myself. I mean, I’m not going to mock if it is a physical problem he genuinely had… but this just looks, you know, weird.

Daddy would be so proud right now

Just so you don’t think the elections all about Harris vs Dampnut, RFK the younger just had to remind of us of his existence with… THIS.

The decade-old question about how a dead six-month-old female black bear cub ended up in New York City’s iconic Central Park beneath an old bicycle has been answered. Independent presidential candidate Robert Kennedy Jr. on Sunday confessed that he was behind the incident after a fact checker from the New Yorker called him to verify the story.
In a video he posted on X, Kennedy said he had come across the bear in the morning when he was going falconing; a woman in a van in front of him hit and killed the bear.
“So, I pulled over and I picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van because I was going to skin the bear, and it was in very good condition, and I was going to put the meat in my refrigerator,” Kennedy said. “And you can do that in New York state. You can get a bear tag for roadkill bear.”
But the falconing day went longer than expected, and he had to go straight to a dinner in the city at Peter Luger Steakhouse, he recounted. That, too, ran late, and Kennedy said he realized he had to go to the airport and would not be able to go home to Westchester first.
“And the bear was in my car, and I didn’t want to leave the bear in the car because that would have been bad,” he said. “So, then I thought you know at that time this was the little bit of the redneck me. There’d been a series of bicycle accidents in New York they had just put in the bike lanes and so a couple of people were getting killed and it was every day and people badly injured every day it was in the press.”
He said, “I wasn’t drinking, of course, but people were drinking with me who thought this was a good idea.”
Kennedy mentioned that in addition to the dead bear cub, he had “an old bike in my car that somebody asked me to get rid of.”
“I said let’s go put the bear in Central Park and we’ll make it look like it got hit by a bike,” Kennedy recalled. What he did not expect was the media attention the stunt would attract.

To be honest I don’t recall this story from back in the day, but, well, it caused a fair bit of consternation at the time cos apparently bears aren’t something you normally find in Central Park NYC. Somehow he got away with this ludicrous plot—I mean, could a bicycle actually do fatal damage to a bear cub—until now, and I can’t imagine why he’s waited until now to admit it, nor what reaction he thought he would get. American presidential candidates, everyone: wouldn’t eat a human, but would’ve eaten a bear had he not been too busy playing with birds… Also, this was a couple of years after he was found with a brain worm that ate part of his brain and died (which tells you how good his brain evidently was), so I don’t know if he wasn’t drinking but I’m fairly sure he wasn’t thinking either…

Oy vey, Oolong

First Cybertruck Ambulance Has One Small Problem: Nowhere to Put the Patient

There’s a new — and deeply questionable — volunteer ambulance on the streets of Lakewood, New Jersey: the Cyberambulance.
Yes, you read that right. Per Jalopnik, Lakewood is now home to a Cybertruck ambulance. The $100,000 Tesla vehicle was donated to the Hatzulas Nefashos, a Jewish volunteer EMT organization that operates in South Jersey.
It’s definitely… something. As seen in a viral TikTok, the truck has been given a red, white, and blue wrap, and is indeed affixed with emergency sirens and ambulance insignia. But as all Cybertrucks are, it’s extremely blocky; and sadly, in this case, that blockiness coupled with the paint job unfortunately makes it look like a life-size Pinewood Derby car. And looks aside, there seems to be another major flaw in using the Cybertruck as an emergency vehicle: where does the patient ride, especially if they’re in a stretcher?
The Cybertruck’s bed space isn’t terrible, as far as your standard truck goes. But hauling normal stuff like groceries, or luggage, or even carrying heavy machinery or cargo is a very different ask than being able to soundly transport a patient, a gurney, a vast array of emergency equipment, and the medical personnel themselves.

Interesting, of course, that this monstrosity was gifted to a specifically Jewish organisation. Definitely comes across as some sort of indication of Oolong’s antisemitism…