We can but hope

There was an earthquake the other day centred in New Jersey. There’s going to be a total solar eclipse in the US on Monday (their time). OBVIOUSLY Americans are responding normally to these events.

In real countries, of course, the earthquake happened on 8/4… which gives THIS result from Exodus:

Which is a… slightly different message, though whether a better or worse one I don’t know. Mind you, these are reasonable compared to some interpretations of what could happen on Monday:

Posting on Reddit four months ago, u/wefellinloveinnyc wrote in detail about why they “believe they are planning a massive human sacrifice event” for when the total eclipse occurs.
The post is quite a read, with it saying: “I’m pretty concerned about this Great American Eclipse on April 8th. The line from the solar eclipse of 2017 and the line from the one upcoming on April 8th creates an X, very close to the New Madrid Fault Line.
“If something were to trigger that fault line, something man-made they could make look completely natural, it could mean a serious loss of life disaster for the US. An earthquake on the New Madrid Fault Line could be up to 20 times larger than an earthquake with a SoCal epicenter.”
The user continues: “Taking the line for the Annular Eclipse or “Ring Of Fire” from October of this year and the upcoming Solar eclipse, creates another X over Texas, not far from Tesla’s gigafactory.”
They go on to mention Tesla boss Elon Musk, who changed Twitter’s name to X, and also refer to his baby’s mother Grimes, and something she apparently posted on Instagram before Covid.
Referring to the alleged post, the user wrote: “In that same image, a few rows beneath the covid “prediction” is a solar eclipse. Under it, a flower between two dragons. 2024 is the year of the dragon. The lotus flower begins blooming in China on April 8th. The eclipse is happening on April 8th.”
The conspiracist wrote it was “way too many coincidences for [them] to feel comfortable”, adding that it “would appear some massive sacrifice could possibly be in the works” and they are “quite certain” that “they all have some bunker or safe spot away from the damage”.

This sort of eclipse-induced nutbaggery has also encompassed the return of a rarely-seen (once every 70-odd years) comet called “the devil’s comet“—because religious buffoons are OBVIOUSLY going to be excited by that—and the putative sacrifice of a red heifer in Israel. This is a much stranger story, involving a supposed “prophecy” by Maimonides, according to whom the messiah would oversee the sacrifice of a beast I call Supercow, a Biblically-specified red heifer without any non-red hair and other things; this is related to the third temple, though I remain unsure about whether Supercow has to be killed to build the temple or the temple has to exist already for Supercow to be sacrificed.

At any rate, certain dickheads on the Internet think Supercow is due to be sacrificed around Passover, which comes just after the eclipse and is OBVIOUSLY just what the Middle East needed in the midst of Israel’s current bullshit, but I think we can safely dismiss it as being as ludicrous as all the other eclipse-related stuff. Of course, if any of these people are right, I shall look rather foolish for a moment before the world ends and this blog goes down with it (at least the evidence will be erased)… but not as foolish as these clowns will if they’re wrong and the frogs don’t come on us after all.