So I just wrote this…

Just been watching a Little Joel video on the Tube of You about some poet called Aliza Grace, who appears to be one of those “Instapoetry” types; I took this screenshot of her poem from the video:

And then whatever this fucking thing is just… you know, came to me. It didn’t exactly flow as such from my pen, or more accurately from my fingers over the laptop keyboard, but somehow once I had the idea expressed in the title, this bizarre list of things I wouldn’t do only took me a short time to produce… which I think is rather good, and quite surprising, considering I haven’t written anything for months.

Some Things That I Will Never Do to You

Compile a Florence Foster Jenkins mixtape,
Or feed you vegetables that aren’t quite dead;
Entomb you in a cavern full of milk,
Or stick you in a frozen peppermint;
Replace your flesh with oleander leaves,
Or extradite you to Ulaanbaatar;
Marry you to King Arthur and his knights,
Or leave you at the molten core of Venus;
Apply a Belgian waffle to your feet,
Or call you up outside of office hours;
Pretend that I’m a decent human being,
Or sing black metal to your Persian cat.
These things I would not do; but be afraid
Of all the things that I would do instead.

I have taken the liberty of posting this thing in the above video’s comments section too. Curious to see what if any reaction it gets.