Lyle Shelton’s Family First Party Accuses Sydney’s Gay Penguins Of Faking It
Good. Fucking. Grief.
Lyle Shelton, professional hatemonger and crypto-fascist, reckons penguins are pretending to be gay. Or, at least, they’ve been manipulated into being a same-sex couple by the people at Sydney Sea Life Aquarium. As a career homophobe and bigot, he’s been offended for years by rainbow-coloured footpaths and flags, but now he’s broadening his visual spectrum objections to black and white birds…
Sphen and Magic’s gay romance first went viral in 2018, when staff at the Sydney aquarium noticed the two Gentoo penguins swimming together and becoming inseparable ahead of the breeding season. The staff first gave the couple a fake egg to practise their parenting skills and subsequently a real egg to foster.
Since then, Sphen and Magic have raised two chicks together and have been termed the “most devoted couples in the penguin colony”.
Last month, NSW Teachers Federation announced that Sphen and Magic’s story would be part of the school syllabus to teach kids about rainbow families.
And, obviously, this is what Lyle is really opposed to rather than penguins per se. Lest we forget, Lyle is the man Fred Nile picked as his replacement to lead the Christian Democrats before he abruptly decided even Lyle was too much of a cunt even for him; having cried big hot salty tears into his cornflakes, Lyle responded by saying something about supporting the party while “build[ing] a political movement that truly reflects Christ’s character”. To which all I can say is that, having actually read the gospels on multiple occasions over the years, either Lyle has grossly misjudged Christ’s character or I have. And I’m 99.999999etc% sure it’s not me. Also, Lyle’s loyalty to the CDP was so great that a few months later he slung his hook with Family First when that party invited him to run them…
In the end, what can you do with Lyle other than engage in the great Australian Twitter tradition of telling him to eat shit:
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