Schrodinger’s list?

In the midst of everything else TrumpCorp has been doing of late, they’ve miraculously succeeded in uniting both sides against them on one point: THIS is some bullshit.

The US Department of Justice and FBI have concluded that sex offender Jeffrey Epstein did not have a so-called client list that could implicate high-profile associates, and that he did take his own life – contradicting long-held conspiracy theories about the infamous case.
While campaigning last year, President Donald Trump promised to release files relating to the disgraced financier.
But since he returned to office in January, some of his supporters have grown frustrated with the administration’s handling of the case and for failing to deliver new revelations. […]
According to a two-page Department of Justice (DoJ) and FBI memo, investigators found no “incriminating list” of clients and “no credible evidence” that Epstein blackmailed prominent individuals.
Investigators also released footage they say supports the medical examiner’s conclusion that Epstein died by suicide while being held at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York.
Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Epstein was murdered to stop him from implicating government officials, celebrities and other business tycoons who were involved in his crimes.
FBI Director Kash Patel and his deputy Dan Bongino had previously questioned the official narrative regarding Epstein’s death – although since joining the Trump administration, both have acknowledged that Epstein took his own life.

The problem with at least one of those “long-held conspiracy theories”, of course, i.e. the one about the “client list”, is that Trump’s own people, in this case A-G Pam Bondi, started that one:

During a February 21 interview on Fox News, host John Roberts asked whether DOJ would release a “list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients.”
“Will that really happen?” Roberts asked.
Bondi responded: “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review. That’s been a directive by President Trump. I’m reviewing that.”
In other words, Bondi didn’t commit to releasing such a list, but she affirmatively indicated it existed and that it was in her possession. And the question was specifically about the purported list – not other files related to Epstein. […]
Bondi had another chance to downplay the existence of such a list during a later March 1 interview on Fox, but declined to do so.
Host Mark Levin suggested that Democratic-leaning officials in New York City might be withholding information because they “don’t like the names on the list” and that they were “trying to protect a lot of names and individuals.”
Bondi leaned into the theory, saying she had “not reviewed the information yet,” but added: “I think it’s very interesting that they withheld that from us.”

Mushroom Cock’s former bestie, who you may remember accusing the former of being on the list, is having none of it:

Then there’s the minor matter of the “tens of thousands of videos of Epstein with children” that Bondi mentioned on another occasion… apparently she got secretly recorded talking about this to someone else in a supposedly private conversation, then made a public statement to the same effect because she’d somehow discovered this recording was going to come out and thought she should undercut it. But since then Kash Patel has denied this, saying that he would’ve announced them if he had them. Which I find unlikely at best. Curious, too, that Bondi only mentions about 250 victims when the DOJ memo apparently mentions a thousand, which is… rather more.

This is probably representative of the broadly liberal response to the news, at least as I’ve seen it on Bluesky, but I am fascinated by the response from the right, which has been, well, kind of furious:

Conservatives who have sought proof of a government cover-up of Epstein’s activities and death expressed outrage on Monday over the department’s position.
Far-right influencer Jack Posobiec posted: “We were all told more was coming. That answers were out there and would be provided. Incredible how utterly mismanaged this Epstein mess has been. And it didn’t have to be.”
Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones wrote that “next the DOJ will say ‘Actually, Jeffrey Epstein never even existed,'” calling it “over the top sickening”.

What a world in which I find myself kind of agreeing with ALEX JONES of all people! Seriously, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised somehow if they actually did that, Epstein’s whole existence was an alternative fact… But I do suspect that, if Epstein was fool enough to keep a list like this in the first place, and Trump’s people got their hands on it, well, it’s been… taken care of… From the BBC piece again:

The memo was met with disbelief from some supporters of Trump and his Make America Great Again (Maga) movement.
In a post on X, right-wing commentator Rogan O’Handley called it “a shameful coverup to protect the most heinous elites”.

See, therein lies the REAL problem: the MAGAts want the Epstein list to be real, and full of the names of people they hate. The idea that any such list, if it existed at all, might contain the names of people they like is one they probably don’t want to think about, even though it’s just as if not more likely that it would. You know… names like Mushroom Cock’s. And if this list ever did exist, it probably doesn’t now, cos it probably contained a bunch of names like that…

As for the video they put out to try and prove Epstein couldn’t have been murdered…

…even the New York Times, which is trying increasingly (and desperately) to keep in with the Republicans, isn’t buying it. Whether or not this missing 61 seconds is really that significant is something I don’t fully know; I point you to this video which breaks down what seems to be wrong. I don’t know, there’s a bunch of things wrong with the entire fucking story. Still, I may as well enjoy the spectacle of MAGA melting down…

Oh, and:

This is a very peculiar reaction. I looked up his feed on Sotwe and I did see someone actually accusing him of, you know, visiting the island… but Jessi here didn’t actually name him, nor indeed anyone else, as being “protected” by Pam. Perhaps his legal trigger finger is a bit itchy, but this still seems like an odd thing for him to say… but I would rather like to see this go to court just so we can watch this evil cunt get laughed out of it…